Fact Sheet

1. What is domestic violence?

Violence is the behaviour of one individual or group of individuals with the intent to intimidate, either by threat or force, another person or group of individuals. The purpose of the violent behaviour is to control the victim. Domestic violence occurs when the people are members of the same family, or household or have a relationship. The effects of the violence on the victim are that they become afraid of the abuser, and become controlled. Any activity or behaviour which endangers the life or well being of the victim, persistently humiliates the victim, dishonours her or him, or lowers her or his self esteem is abuse.

The message from government, media and law enforcers, is quite clear. Our society is plagued by violence. Bolts, steel doors, alarm systems and all manner of sophisticated locking devices are enjoying boom sales all over the world.

Set against this violent world outside is a powerful and cherished ideal: The Family – offering love and security against the cruel world outside. However, statistics show a different picture. More than half the murders in the West are the result of domestic disputes. Children are more likely to be abused by their own parents than by anybody else. Most women are raped by people they know – in the home. To quote American sociologist Norval Morris:

‘You are safer on the streets than at home, safer with a stranger than with a friend or relative’.

2. What are the forms of domestic violence?

The forms of domestic violence are physical violence, sexual violence and emotional/psychological violence. Physical violence takes the form of slapping, punching, kicking or beating and any other physically violent behaviour. Sexual violence takes the form of forcing the victim into unwanted and degrading sexual acts. Emotional/psychological violence is designed to destroy the victim’s self-esteem and reduces the victim’s ability to make decisions and take action, which is necessary for her or his well-being. The purpose of the abuse is to make the victim dependent of the abuser.

Personal violence can take many forms: physical, psychological, sexual and economic. There are however, some things common to all types of personal violence. Personal violence usually involves the person inflicting the violence gaining power – or extra power – over the victim by causing them pain. It’s easier to do this to a person if you ‘own’ them. They become an object, a commodity that you can treat as you please. The easiest thing of all has been for men to abuse women and adults to abuse children. In the past men have legally owned women and children but although this is not the case today, incest, rape and battering are on the increase. Violence breeds violence. Parents who batter their children have often been battered themselves. These people are not simply sadistic. Often they are beating to make sense of their own confusing and painful childhood. Using violence against others they regain an element of control, even self-respect. Some people cannot express their anger and resentment to others in their home environment and so project their violence onto others. It is often the case that obedient children who never express anger towards their parents carry a psychological time-bomb in their heads. Many men find an escape for their anger in what sociologists call ‘compulsive masculinity’. Some join the armed forces, some go into aggressive ‘ cut and thrust’ business and some turn into street fighting machines on a Saturday afternoon or evening. The ‘macho’ way, continuously shown in Hollywood movies, presents the idea that action speaks louder than words. The hero bottles things up and then explodes in a display of violent power. But behind this bravado lies the fact that these men can’t express their feelings and emotions until it is ‘too late’. One way this manifests itself is child sexual abuse. Men who can’t express their emotions find it more desirable to have sexual relationships with children they easily dominate than with other adults with whom they feel emotionally inadequate. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to ‘internalize’ aggression, become depressed and turn violence against themselves. Anorexia and tranquiliser dependency are typical symptoms of this self-destructive urge.

3. In which domestic groups does violence occur?

Domestic violence occurs in relationships of people who come from all ethnic, social, education, economic and religious backgrounds. The victims of violence are mostly women and children.

4. What kind of person would abuse their loved ones?

The men who are abusive tend to believe strongly in traditional sex roles such as – they are the heads of the household and the chief decision- maker. They believe they have the right to control their wives.

5. Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Some of the reasons why people, mostly women, often go back to abusive relationships include the following:

• The hope that things will get better

• Fear of failure as a wife to the husband

• Love of husband/partner

• Economic dependency

• Feeling that they should stay because of the children

6. The cycle of violence

The violence has a cyclical pattern. Most victims will go through the violence again and again. There are three phases in the cycle:

• Tension-building phase characterized by threats where the woman often blames herself for every incident.

• Abusive phase. The abuser attacks the victim. The victim may be seriously injured.

• Honeymoon phase. The abuser expresses remorse, which the victim may believe. In some cases this phase does not exist.

It is important to discuss the cycle of violence with the victims so that they do not become trapped.

7. What can be done to end domestic violence?

• Men have to become involved in the fight against domestic violence

• Ask people to discuss non-violent parenting skills instead of flogging.

• Share with others how gender inequality leads to domestic violence.

• Support victims as they try to go through the courts and police to seek help.

• Ask the religious leaders in your community to discuss domestic violence with their members.

• Condemn the behaviour of people who are violent.

At a personal level we should identify what or who is making us angry and express ourselves as directly and constructively as possible. We must try to look at our motives and be aware of the consequences of reacting violently and destructively. Violence breeds violence. This does not mean that we should just ‘internalize’ anger – this will lead to an explosion later, or to illness – but rather we should look to the root causes of our anger or frustration and try to change these causes.

At a practical level this means:

• providing more refuges to make it possible for women and children to leave violent men

• making counselling readily available for people who are concerned about their own violence.

• creating conditions where children can reveal sexual abuse, be believed and receive professional help

• Respecting the rights of people who are often the victims of violence – children, women, racial minorities, gays or any other group chosen as scapegoats.

8. Child abuse

Child abuse can be characterized by neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse and emotional abuse. Many children do not get help because they feel that no one would believe them. Some children are afraid of their abusers.

9. What to do if you find out a child is being abused

• Believe the child if they tell you.

• Encourage the parents to seek help for themselves.

• Encourage the parent or guardian to remove the child to a place of safety. The child could be damaged for life if the abuse continues and no help is sought for him or her.

• Contact the nearest probation officer or sympathetic police officer.

10. How to teach children to report abuse.

• Teach children never to go with strangers.

• Teach children how to scream if they feel threatened.

• Encourage children to speak to someone until someone believes them.

• Teach the children the difference between “bad touching” and “good touching”.

11. Help available.

• Help and Shelter, Telephone 02 73454, 54731, Homestretch Avenue, Georgetown

• Guyana Women’s Leadership Institute. Cove and John, E.C.D.

• Women’s Affairs Bureau and the Regional Women’s Actions Committee.

Activities:

1. Discuss - Why do people in family/loving relationships fight/abuse/hurt one another?

2. List at least four characteristics of people who are abusers.

3. List at least four characteristics of persons who are victims of their partners’ violence.

4. Give 6 reasons why you think people stay in abusive relationships.

5. Discuss – What are the groups in which you think domestic violence occurs.

6. Act out one of the following skits (remember this is a serious issue)

- A teacher finds marks of violence on a child’s body during physical education class.

- Men are talking about the way they treat their wives and one (more enlightened individual) tries to get them to see the wrong in this type of behaviour.

- A lady seeks advice from a neighbour on what to do about her abusive husband.

7. Discuss why it is harmful for youths to slap and hit each other even in fun.

8. Make a poster depicting the effects of domestic violence.

9. In a recent survey by Professor Ken Danns from the University of Guyana results indicated the percentage of men and women in abusive relationships was 66%. List at least four lines of action that could be taken to reduce this alarming number.

Readings:

THERE MUST BE EQUALITY OF RIGHTS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN… FOR THE WORLD OF HUMANITY POSSESSES TWO WINGS – MAN AND WOMAN. IF ONE WING REMAINS INCAPABLE AND DEFECTIVE, IT WILL RESTRICT THE POWER OF THE OTHER, AND FULL FLIGHT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE. 1

`Abuse not your wife. Women are sacred. If you make your wife suffer, you will die in a short time. Our grandmother, Earth, is a woman, and in abusing your wife you are abusing her.’ 2

`Domestic violence is a fact of life for many women throughout the world, regardless of race, class or educational background. In many societies traditional beliefs that women are a burden make them easy targets of anger. In other situations, men’s frustrations are vented on women and children when economies shrink and collapse. In all parts of the world, violence against women and children persists because it goes unpunished.’ 3

`Beliefs and practices that contributed to the oppression of women must be re-examined in the light of justice. When properly understood, the principle of the fundamental equality of men and women will eventually transform all social relations, allowing each person to develop his or her unique gifts and talents. The utilisation of everyone’s strengths, will foster the maturation of society. As the principle of equality gains acceptance, the challenge of transmitting it to the next generation must be undertaken by parents, schools, governments and NGOs.’ 4

`When women are honoured, there the gods are pleased; but when they are not honoured no sacred rite yields rewards.’ 5

`When the female relations live in grief, the whole family soon wholly perishes; but that family where they are not unhappy ever prospers.’ 6

` The family is the basic unit of society; all of its members should be educated according to spiritual principles. The rights of all need to be safeguarded and children trained to respect themselves and others.’ 7

`Education in spiritual values is necessary not only to protect women but, to foster respect for all people, so that human honour and dignity may be preserved and a global ethos may evolve in which all human rights are upheld.’ 8

References:

1. Baha’i Writings…

2. Native American Religions – A Winnebago Father’s Precepts

3. Baha’i Writings…

4. Hinduism – Laws of Manu 3.56-57

5. Baha’i Writings…

6. Baha’i Writings…

7. Judaism – Talmund, Yebamont, 62

8. Islam- Hadith of Bukhari