Domestic Violence consists of any kind of abusive behaviour between two people in a family or sexual relationship. The abusive behaviour can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
·Insults, threats, humiliation
·Blame for things that are not her fault
·Controlling where she goes, who she mixes with, what she wears, what she eats
·Withholding money or food
·Withholding love, cheating
kicking , hitting, slapping , pushing , punching ,pulling hair ,biting , scratching, burning, stabbing
·Forcing a woman to have sex
·Forcing a woman to do sexual acts that she does not want to do
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àyour children will become afraid of you and might even start hating you
àyour children will become depressed, and may even become suicidal, especially if they feel that they are to blame
àyour children’s school work could suffer since they will not be able to concentrate at school or do homework in a tense atmosphere
àyour children will become stressed
àYour children will develop low self esteem
àyour children may grow to think that it is normal for violence to happen in families.
àyour children may become frustrated and become violent to younger siblings, children, pets or even want to hit out at objects. Some children may harm themselves
àEven if you are not violent towards your children, they will still be confused about you
Your violent behaviour will destroy your family. You can change your
behaviour and save your family.
Men can be abused too, sometimes physically, but more often emotionally or verbally.
àHave you ever hit her or threatened to hit her? Do you blame her afterwards?
àHave you ever threated to kill her, or to kill yourself?
àDo you believe that you must control her or she will leave you?
àAre you jealous of other people in her life?
àHave you tried to keep her from doing something she wanted to do - working, studying, going out with friends or family
àDo you control the money and not give her any for her own use?
àHave you ever put pressure on her to have sex when she does not want to?
If you answered yes to any of these questions,
then think about these :-
àYou need to take responsibility for your behaviour. Your wife or girlfriend does not make you hit her.
àYour violence will increase if you do not take action to stop it. You may destroy your relationship or seriously injure someone you love.
àDomestic violence is a crime. You can be imprisoned if you do not change.
àConsider the effects on your children
àIt is possible to change your behaviour. Talk to someone you trust , contact Help & Shelter or try to seek counselling.
The violence can start with a slap and end in murder! Being sorry afterwards can be too late
If you know a man who is abusive to his spouse and his children
àEnsure that his family are safe
àCondemn his behaviour
àTell him that his behaviour will get worse unless he changes it
àEncourage him to talk to you about his problems
àEncourage him to stay away from drugs and alcohol
àTell him about the effects of his behaviour on his children
àEncourage him to seek counselling
à
Do not blame her. She is not responsible for the violence.
Tell her that the abuse is not her fault.
Encourage her to seek counselling support.
Never believe that a woman deserves to be abused - if you were raped or beaten would you want people to say that you looked for it?
Men Can Make A Difference
Many men abuse women in the name of manhood. Many men do not agree. Men play a crucial role in helping to stop domestic violence. Men are also part of the community and it is important that men who get involved in making communities safer. The silence of men who do not condemn violence will be used to continue the violence. .
àBe role models to other men. If possible, young men should challenge the abusive beahviour of their friends. If an abusive man tells you to mind your own business, do not give up.
àSpeak out against domestic violence. Men speaking out can have a powerful effect in helping change social norms that support and perpetuate abuse.
àReach out to a family where domestic violence is present. Just offering to listen and acknowledging what is going on helps chip away at the walls that surround and isolate families living with abuse.
àAct as a role model to a child who lacks a positive male figure in his life. A male mentor and friend can provide consistent support, and even help the child make a safety plan.
àTake a leadership role in civic organizations, such as sports clubs, churches, and neighborhood associations, and speak out against violence in the home.
This material was reprinted (and adapted) from the website of the Family Violence Prevention Fund (http://www.fvpf.org).